Bear Spray

[  Please start reading at the first post, which is several posts below.  ]

Sam--  “I heard it was a suicide.”

Rob--  “No, it wasn’t.  I don’t know precisely what happened.  I wish I’d been there.”

Sam--  “But there was a bear there, the news release said a bear was there.”

Rob--  “There’s there’s no mention of an attack.  The news release didn’t say bear attack. Bears are everywhere in Yellowstone.  I see them all the time.”

Sam--  “Do you suppose, could it be that he saw the bear and it scared him to death?”

Rob--  “Well, sure, to hear people talk, it would scare any human being to be there in the backcountry and run into a grizzly.”

Sam--  “So, it was a grizzly bear?”

Rob--  “Well, that’s what I hear everyone saying, as I move about from place to place.  Black bears don’t attack people, do they?”

Sam--  “I don’t think so…   A grizzly, hmmm….  Did they find it?”

Rob--  “How could they find it?  I mean, what do you look for?  Very few griz in the Park are collared.  So… really…”

Sam--  “Was he carrying bear spray?”

Rob--  “I heard that he wasn’t.  Kinda stupid…   Just to hear people talking now, they’re carrying bear spray between the tent and the outhouse in the campgrounds at night, let alone setting foot on any path beyond concrete.  I hear those folks at the general store say sales are way up on bear spray.”

Sam--  “I hear that he was in a closed area and that he was camping there.”

Rob--  “Really?  I don’t think so…  It happened on the Mary Mountain trail.  That’s not a closed trail.  I heard somebody say that they found his tent in the Canyon Campground.”

Sam--  “Then what was he doing so far back into the back country?  Mary Mountain Trail runs about twenty-one miles between the upper end of the Hayden Valley and the Upper Geyser Basin.”

Rob--  “He wasn’t using any sense, that’s what he was doing.  Anyone with a drop of sense would know to avoid hiking alone back there.  . ”

Sam--  “Is that a bear area?”

Rob--  “Bear area?  Are you kidding?  The whole park is a bear area, but people say the trail guides all have clear precautions about there being frequent bear activity on the Mary Mountain trail.”

Sam--  “But, I mean… well… can’t they control them?  Like… know where they are and put up signs and things?  I see those signs all the time.  ‘Warning:  you are entering an area in which bears are known to travel.  Use caution.  Travel in groups of three or more is recommended.’  You know?  Just use common sense.”

Rob--  “Common sense?  Listen, half the people who come here don’t use common sense, just watch the drivers of those cars.  Sheez, car accidents are the leading cause of death here in the Park.  What people need to carry is crazy driver spray.  Those idiots behind the wheel need to be maced, the way they drive.” 

Sam--  “Is that true?  Car accidents?”

Rob--  “Yep, and I kinda like to be there to look as I see those wrecks happening, too.  You know me, gore doesn’t bother me.  The number two cause of death is pre-existing conditions.  You know, heart problems, old age, etc.”

Sam--  “Then bears are third?”

Rob--  “Not even close.  Third is drownings, fourth is falls.”

Sam--  “What about that man from Southern California who was killed by a mama grizzly in early July… he was right there in Canyon area.” 

Rob--  “Well, sort of Canyon area, but it was in backcountry… on the Wapiti Lake trail.  They said he and his wife were trying to take pictures of the mother grizzly and her two cubs.”

Sam--  “Did he have bear spray?”

Rob--  “The man killed in early July?”

Sam--  “Yes, that guy from L.A..”

Rob--  “Him?  He did.  Someone told me he did.  And he didn’t use it.”

Sam--  “Hmmm… didn’t use it or didn’t have enough time to use it?”

Rob--  “Well, and did he know HOW to use it?”

Sam--  “You’re right, I think.  People don’t know how to use it, do they?”

Rob--  “They get off the plane, into the rental car, and get the bear spray at the first store.  No thought… no practice… no idea… Sheez, which reminds me… You heard about the dumb-ass twenty-year-old guy at the Mammoth Visitor Center?  Went into the Yellowstone Association Bookstore in the Center, buys bear spray, opens it up to demo to his friends how it works, and don’t you know, he releases the safety and sprays it right in the face of a woman, accidentally so he claims.”

Sam--  “Then what happened?”

Rob--  “Entire Mammoth Visitor Center had to be evacuated.  Cleared out for the rest of the day.  And then… there was the guest in her room in Old Faithful Inn.  She sees a mouse, gets out the spray, goes after the mouse with it, and damned if the entire Old Faithful Inn had to be evacuated.  A mouse!  Bear Spray!  Oh, now I’m started on this.  And there was an Asian tourist, comes up to the store counter with the bear spray, and asks how it works, do you spray it on yourself to repel the bears….”

Sam--  “Yeah, right… people don’t have sense… they think it’s foolproof.  Poof… spray it… bear disappears…  or, mouse disappears…easy.”

Rob--  “Right.  Take the wind… if it’s coming towards you, the wind I mean, then the spray’s gonna come right back into your face.”

Sam--  “And what does it do?  I mean, what’s in bear spray?”

Rob--  “Capu___... capusocin?… anyway, it’s some ingredient made from red pepper. The mucous membranes get all irritated.  I hear it’s pretty terrible.”

Sam--  “And it stops the bear cold, right?”

Rob--  “Not always, according to what I’ve heard.  Not all the time, anyway.  It varies.  Is it a griz or is it a black bear?  Is it a curious bear or an attacking bear?  Is it a mama griz defending her cubs?”

Sam--  “So… what does a hiker do?  Use it or not?  I mean, you don’t have time to think through all the variables and situations and stuff.  Use it or don’t use it.  Decide quickly.”

Rob--  “You got it.  Sums it up clear as mud.”

Sam--  “Do you have bear spray?”

Rob--  “Me?  What are you?  Ridiculous?”

Sam--  “Well, I mean… you’re always following around after bears, aren’t you?  I think I should get some.  You know, backup insurance and all… If that guy from Michigan had packed bear spray…”

Rob--  “You?  Carry bear spray?  You must be joking!”

Sam--  “No, this guy, this guy who got killed by the grizzly a few days ago… he’d be alive if he had been carrying bear spray.”

Rob--  “I heard that he definitely didn’t have any with him.”

Sam--  “Who told you?”

Rob--  “I overheard the recovery team jawing about it afterwards.  Seems they were upset after bringing out the body.  The way they talked, this guy wasn’t just killed by the griz, he was chewed on from head to foot and then dragged into the woods and partially buried.”    

Sam--  “So they didn’t find bear spray there?”

Rob--  “No.  They found his pack, but no bear spray.”

Sam--  “What are they going to do about these bears?  Can’t they move them to some other area?”

Rob--  “Humans are already everywhere else using the land, or else the land isn’t useable habitat for bears, or there are already too many bears there.  Yellowstone’s one of the last place for them.  And people seem to want to see them, to know they’re there.”

Sam--  “But I want to feel safe when I’m out in the woods.”

Rob--  “Well, you’re just a squirrel, you can’t be toting around a can of bear spray.  Besides, the bears want you to keep burying those whitebark pine nuts so they can dig ‘em up and eat ‘em.” 

[And with that remark, the raven flew off, sniffing the air for a carcass, calling kuh-WHAK, kuh-WHAK, kuh-WHAK, and the squirrel returned to running up the trunk of the whitebark pine, cutting loose pine cones to drop on the forest floor, then zooming to the ground, extracting the seeds, and caching them nearby.  Squirrel knew that grizzlies would thieve about half of his cache, so he knew to work extra long days gathering enough for winter.]